Fall Back

Apparently, at some point, every soldier in Basic Training writes home saying that they hate the Army, and that they want out.  Well, yesterday I got the letter from Alex. "Dear Mommy," it begins, "I hate it here."  The fact that he called me "Mommy" shows that it's pretty bad. He only calls me that when he wants something, when he's sick, or when he's really sad. It goes on to say that he feels like he's in a prison, that he has no freedom. He said he feels he can handle it physically, but not emotionally. He misses home; he dreams of home. He wishes he could just quit, but he can't. And again, he doesn't want to disappoint his father and me. I cried my eyes out reading how unhappy he is.

My first reaction was to get on a plane, fly down to Georgia, and shake my mommy finger in the face of his CO.  "My boy is not happy, so I'm taking him home! He doesn't want to play anymore."  My second reaction was to just respond to him, "Well, you knew what you were signing up for. Lighten up, Francis!"

All I can say is thank God I've been poking around online and reading everything I could about being an Army parent because I learned that this is normal and expected. One man even said that if you don't want to get out at some point, there's something wrong with you.  It's all part of the process - they tear you down and then build you up into something better than you were before.

I also learned exactly how to answer him. First, sympathize with how he's feeling, but don't dwell on it. Give him support, remind him why he chose this. Then change the subject to something lighthearted and fun.  So I did exactly that, and thank God the Phils won the NL East because not only did I have stuff to tell him, I had pictures, too! I took pictures off the television of the celebrations and printed out a few for him to see. And then I poked fun at myself, "Yes, I took pictures off the television. Yes, I know, I am a dork!"  It always makes him feel better to laugh at his dorky mother!

The letter was dated on Friday, September 24, so I'm hoping and praying that he's already doing better, and that by the time my letter reaches him, he's laughing about it.  I know that if he was really in a bad way, they would have contacted me.

It's funny - new parents always think they have it so hard. Staying up all night with a crying baby... the terrible twos... your kid picking up every illness possible in pre-school...  Those are the easy parts of raising a child. It's easy to take care of them, nurture them, and protect them.  The hard part is hoping you've done the best you can and then just... letting go.

*** UPDATE ***

Just got this email from Janet:

"we just got letters from alex! they were so sweet. he sent one to me and randy and one to the kids. he told the kids about one of the drill sergeants there who everyone says looks like buzz lightyear. and alex says he really does! he said the guy walked by his platoon and they sounded off with "to infinity and beyond!" the guy wasn't amused! then someone took down a picture of the drill sergeant and replaced it with a picture of buzz. the kids loved that story! meanwhile, he told us that it's really hard and told us all about the awful gas chamber thing. overall, he sounded good. the letters were dated the 25th, so i don't know if that's before or after the letter he wrote to you. we'll send our letters back right away."

I really hope this means he was feeling better about things by the next day. Janet doesn't think he was hiding anything in his letter to her and Randy. He told them about the gas chamber (which he didn't even tell me about), so he wasn't sugar coating anything. Fingers crossed!