Battle Fatigue

I have just one more month with Alex until he leaves. I can’t believe he won’t be around for four months. We probably haven’t been apart more than a week or two since he was born, so the thought of four long months without seeing that handsome, scruffy face is hard to imagine. (It’s also hard to imagine that his face won’t be scruffy for four months!)

This last period of time together hasn’t been at all what I expected. I thought that in anticipation of being separated for a long time, we’d try to enjoy a little more quality time together. Now, I’m not stupid… I know a 20-year old young man doesn’t want to hang with his mother all the time, but he’s always enjoyed hanging with me a little. We have a similar sense of humor, so we can sit and watch TV and laugh together. Occasionally I can even get him to eat a meal with me in public. But now, when we’re together, what do we do? We fight – pretty much all the time – about everything and nothing.

In the last month, here is just a sampling of what we’ve fought about when we’re actually together in the same room or the same car:

1. what to eat 
2. what to watch on TV 
3. how loud the volume is on his computer while I’m trying to watch TV in the living room 
4. how loud he plays his music in the car
5. why it’s an act of common courtesy to let me know where he’s going and what time he’ll be home
6. the lack of soda in the apartment
7. what kind of music to play in the car (Is it wrong of me to ask “Play anything you want except rap?” There’s only so much Jay-Z I can take on a ride to the shore)
8. I've breathed
9. I've uttered his name 
10. I exist

Numbers 2 and 3 usually result in me getting pissed off, and going into my bedroom to watch TV. And okay, I’m exaggerating about numbers 8-10. Kinda.

Consequently, I feel like we’re just wasting our precious time until he has to go. But I think this is pretty normal; I remember him going through something similar when his friend Kaitlyn was leaving for college last year. They fought non-stop until she left, and then they missed each other terribly once she was gone.

I think we create these arguments over nothing in order to start protecting ourselves from the inevitable. Baby Bird is ready to leave the nest, but he’s going to go out kicking and screaming. And Mama Bird is having a hell of a hard time letting go and pushing him out.

We’ll get through this, I know. But in the meantime, I’m just so tired of fighting! Before September 7th rolls around, I just want to get in as many laughs as I can (and maybe even a few hugs). Is that too much for Mama Bird to ask??