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Thursday, October 21, 2010

Permission to speak freely?

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"Missing someone gets easier every day because even though it's one day further from the last time you saw each other, it's one day closer to the next time you will."  (Author Unknown)
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I've done so much relaying of information about Alex's letters and phone calls, but I really haven't taken the time to relay how I'm feeling about all of this.

My main emotions are basic:  I miss him and I worry about him. It's just really hard having him away from home. Alex still lives with me, and he and I are very close; even though we butt heads a lot, we love each other like crazy.  He's my heart, and I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm kinda swell.

Letting go of your child is letting go of his childhood. You carry him in your womb for 9 months (although in Alex's case, he was anxious to get out around 6-1/2 months, but that's a whole other story...), then you nourish and nurture him for his whole childhood.

You change his diapers, rock him to sleep, smell his perfect little head at least 25 times a day, marvel when he learns to crawl and then worry when he learns to walk, read his favorite story "AGAIN!," take him to the doctor umpteen times for every little ailment, teach him to count and say his alphabet, kiss his boo-boos, teach him to be respectful, send him off to school with high hopes then have to learn to deal with ADHD and all the problems that brings into your lives, deal with his temper tantrums, cry with him when someone hurts his feelings, yell at him when he needs it (and sometimes when he doesn't really but you've had a really bad day), cross your fingers and yourself when you send him off to play down the street without you for the first time, remind him to do his homework, remind him again, yell at him when he still hasn't started his homework, cry with him and feel you've crushed his heart forever when you and your husband tell him you're getting divorced, feel your heart stop when your ex-husband calls and says he's taking him to the emergency room, feel your heart stop again when you find his lung has collapsed and he's going to need surgery, joke with him in pre-OP to keep him calm then kiss him goodbye and cry your eyes out after they wheel him to the OR, wring your hands and pray while he's in surgery, almost pass out when you see him in recovery wearing an oxygen mask, take turns sleeping next to his bed for the next few nights, go through it all again two months later when they repair the other lung, then stand proud and cry your eyes out the day he graduates high school.

Then you think "Well, I've done my job," and that now you won't have to worry quite so much. He's a young man now; you expect to be able to let go.  But, as John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." 

My baby is now a young man, but he still needs me, and I guess he always will to some degree. Right now I can't be there to nourish, but I nurture remotely, through my almost-daily letters and cards. I encourage, I uplift, I inform, I humor... I mother.  Good to know I'm still needed.

 (Thanks to Kaitlyn Daniels, wife of Alex's platoon buddy Dave Daniels, for the quote!)

Saturday, October 16, 2010

4-Hour Pass

I JUST TALKED TO ALEX - AGAIN!!

He had a 4-hour pass today, so he was in the PX eating a cheesburger and fries and calling everyone he could get a hold of!  As on Monday, he sounds great - still just concerned about PT.  When Alex was little, he didn't like to practice anything - he wanted to do it perfectly right away, so I can understand why he's frustrated.  He also used to give up if he couldn't do it right he first time, so I give him a lot of credit for working so hard at it!!  Of course, he should have worked on his endurance before he left for Basic, but he knows that.  He'll get there, I know.

We talked for more than half an hour - it was so nice to have a leisurely talk for a change.  He told me all about his rifle training. He said he sucked when he first did it, but he's getting progressively better. He's saving his targets to show his dad when he gets home. I told him that his father has always gotten an "Expert Marksmanship" every year he requalifies, so he should work hard to show him up!! ;-)

He said he's going to go to Bible Study again, and he did attend a Protestant service one Sunday - he said it was "awesome! Much better than Catholic Church."  Yikes!!  I told him please just don't convert while he's there - his grandmother will have a stroke!  But I'm happy that he's going to any service at all.

It's a good thing he's spending a lot of time with God, because apparently, there is a lot of cursing and salty language in the Army! He said he was trying very, very hard to control his tongue while he was talking to me.  Even one of their cadences is "F***, F***, F***ity, F***"!!  Oh, those crazy drill sergeants!!!

Speaking of which - he's really upset because his favorite drill sergeant just got reassigned to another platoon. He likes the other guys, but Alex just felt a special affinity with this particular DS.  I can't believe they would do that in the middle of traning, but I guess one doesn't question the Army.

I'm still so excited that I can't remember the half of what we talked about, so I may update this post.  Just wanted to spread the joy!!

This has been such a great week; I talked to Alex twice and got to see pictures of him - I'm in Mommy heaven!!

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He just sent me a picture!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Communication Received!

Alex called me this evening!!

I told him I didn't expect to hear from him on a Monday (usually they let them call on Sundays), and he said they were all surprised, too when the drill sergeants told them they could call home.

He sounded really good and very happy!  He said he loves the training although he's still having a little trouble with his endurance in PT.  As soon as he said that, I immediately asked about his lungs, but he said that he's fine - it's just that he's still getting into shape.  He can do 48 sit-ups now and today he ran 2 miles without getting winded, but he still has a long way to go.

He said he went to a Bible Study today and that they took pictures. I just checked, and here he is!!!

Alex and his friend Dave Daniels at Bible Study


Oh my!!!  Look at that shaved head and huge glasses (they call them BCGs: Birth Control Glasses, LOL!!)  At least he had dark glasses before, so he doesn't look too different.  And look - he loves his mommy!!!!

We weren't able to talk long, but it was so wonderful hearing his voice!! And now it's wonderful to see his face!!!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Forward, Harch!!

Just got a letter from Alex, and he is moving forward in his training and doing better!

He says "I wake up every day and hate it here. But by the end of morning PT and breakfast, I'm okay. It's just the fact that I'm not a morning person. I'm so used to going to bed at 4 a.m., not waking up then."  He's not kidding about that! When he's not working, he will often stay up most of the night and sleep most of the day.  I was just hoping he'd be used to it by now, but honestly, who could get used to being forcibly woken up at 4 a.m. every day??

He likes the training and most of the people, but he says it's still so hard.  He said most of his drill sergeants are cool; he's looking forward to introducing me to them at graduation.

I was trying not to write him everyday because I didn't want him to get "smoked" (they make them do pushups for every letter they get; don't ask me to explain - it's the Army), but apparently he wants me to:  "Getting mail is the highlight of my day... So please write me a lot." 

And I'm sure he'd want to hear from anyone else who would like to write him or just send him a card of encouragement:

PVT. LEONE, ALEXANDER #319
CHARLIE COMPANY 1-19 IN, TF330
5550 LEONARD DRIVE
FORT BENNING, GA  31905
**Put a blue box around the address and a blue "3" on the
back, right side of the envelope**



I'm going to try to start writing him every day now, even if there's nothing exciting to report.  Then again... we have the Phillies!! I'm already keeping him posted about that.  His letter actually began:  "Good to hear about the Phillies winning the NL East for a 4th time in a row!"  It's so weird to think that they are so cut off from the world - he has no idea what's going on.  My last letter told him about Halladay's no-hitter! I can't wait until he hears about that!  I want him to have bragging rights in the barracks!

I'm so relieved to hear that he's doing better; it's been killing me not knowing for sure.